Fear vs. Regret: What Do You Choose?

We’ve all heard the famous FDR quote:

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

It’s worth taking the time to think about, because in many ways, it’s true.

My senior year of high school, a friend and I started planning a trip to hike the Swiss Alps for a couple weeks after graduation. As the time came to buy plane tickets, he claimed he didn't have the money and his parents wouldn't help. I later found out that that was not true, and that he chose to not go due to fear.

I went anyway, and had an amazing experience, while he was left with nothing but regret.

In the National Geographic series, Welcome to Earth, host Will Smith says:

My grandmother used to say, “God places the best things in life on the other side of fear. He also puts the brightest things in life on the other side of darkness. So much so, that I only really began to see… when I descended into the dark.

I'm going to focus here on the first part of that, and save the second half for future reflection.

When I think back on my life, and just let memories float up, the meaningful ones were the result of me stepping out of my comfort zone. Trying something different. Pushing myself. Challenging myself.

Facing fears is what enabled me to move across the country without knowing a soul, which led to making many life-long friends, meeting my wife, and so much more. Facing fears is what let me to start a business that resulted in a 7-figure sale. Having kids counts too, for sure. Having kids is terrifying, yet incredibly rewarding, even if hard as hell at times.

Fear can, well, be scary. Yet it can make us feel alive, and lead us to both greatness and a feeling of fulfillment and achievement. It keeps us from feeling flat.

If putting yourself in the face of fear scares you, ask: When you've pushed yourself, and intentionally stepped into the path of fear, what's the worst thing that's happened? Did the worst-case-scenario ever actually manifest? I doubt it did, but if it did, was it as bad as you thought it would be? Did it have long-term negative effects on your life?

Rarely.

Now think about the worst things that have happened in your life, what was the cause? Something you had control over? Usually not. For me, it was a car accident that left my mother paralyzed. That was not the result of anyone facing their fears.

Last week, my Dad was driving around New England and went into an ice cream shop and found hundreds of Post-it Notes on the wall where people revealed something they wish they had the courage to do, but where fear held them back.

Things like:

No, what do you wish you could say to these people?

The sum here, is, the darkest things in life generally arise from sources out of our control, while the brightest come from pushing ourselves beyond what's known and comfortable.

Meanwhile, amazing things rarely happen to us naturally, without our help.

Don’t fear big. Fear mediocrity. Fear waste. - Gary Keller, The One Thing

Can you find one fear to face today? Feel free to start small. Have that conversation you’ve been meaning to have. Go for a hike in the woods alone, even if it makes you a little uncomfortable. Give your Mom more hugs. Tell your Lilly G. you want to be with her forever. Whatever it is. What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Remember, the potential upside is much bigger than the downside. If the result is positive, it's likely to be a big positive change. If the outcome is negative, it's likely to be forgotten (or laughed at) the next day.

"There seemed to be endless obstacles preventing me from living with my eyes open, but as I gradually followed up clue after clue it seemed that the root cause of them all was fear." -- Marion Milner, A Life of One's Own

Can you please reply and let me know what you're going to do today that scares you a little?